9 years

You will always have your place in my heart.

As in youth

As in how I will forever remember you.

It is strange for me, I am not particularly attached to people I don’t know, I don’t grieve artists when they die, I am sometimes sorry when it is someone very artistically relevant or that I somehow connect to a piece of my life.

But you. You revealed me something so important. Every time I see you act I see myself. 

The first time I went to see BBM in was late in the year 2005 and all I could see of it was Ennis. Not you. Ennis. Ennis is all I never wanted to be in my life. The one that prohibits himself happiness, the one that chooses to live as pretender because of passivity, because of fear. 

That character became so important to me, still is. And you made me aware of the way how acting should be done, today, when actors play so lightly even in the most dramatic roles. Where drama is so wrongfully painted.

You had the true sorrow, the true despair, the true inner pain. 

I wished I would have enjoyed your art for a lifetime.

You would have been the greatest of all. 


Current mood: I should definitely sacrifice a sheep to Thor

When life decide you have shoulders big enough to carry any weight.

And when you realize life is absolutely fucking right.

If I would believe in something maybe I’d find in difficulties something to accept as fate chosen for me.

But since I only believe in me and the forces of the universe I just feel quite tired.

This is a picture from two weeks ago in my hometown where it practically never snow. I don’t really miss that place, I was always a stranger to everything and everyone.

Last week El and I went to see that Toulouse Lautrec exhibit, mostly sketches, it was different and really enjoyable for both of us.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at home, T has an health condition we haven’t nailed already so even she’s still in day care I find myself not going to the gym or so for the fear of missing a call. In some days we will have more tests results that should help us understand what is happening to her and how to make her feel better. 

So I drink tea, a lot of tea. And read and watch Vikings when I’m too tired or preoccupied to read.

I just want my girl to go back to her usual self.

We also made El’s inscription to Elementary School those past few days. Huge step. I feel happy, excited and hopelessly old.

On why Criminal Minds is the best show of the last ten years.

Yeah sometimes I like to talk about non serious things. 

Those last few years tv shows have become particularly loved and followed, probably because people spend more time home with a streaming on. Or because millenials attention don’t really go over the average of 40 minutes.

Whatever the reason. I’ve always been very selective on what I watched, grown up with Seinfeld and NYPD Blue, the only one I got sentimentally caught up during the teen years was Dawson’s Creek, that I continue by the way to consider one of the best serial of the 90s (common. It was perfect until the very end).

Back in 2006, first years of the streaming time I found Criminal Minds by chance. Gave a try to the pilot.

Damn it was good. And different.

We already had all the NCIS/CSI stuff were woman cops had botox on their face, fancy boobs and clothes and basically evolve in glass buildings.

Yeah well not my type. CM was for the most…boring.

As when “boring” is a vertue. As when boring is very intelligent people talking a lot about very intelligent things done by usually very intelligent other people.

Behind the matter of profiling and serial killers and whatever.

Finally a show so wel written than it can be spent simply watching at peoplr talking.

This show has the best characters ever. 

Strong, independent characters, women who raise kids and come to a high risk and difficult job, women who come home alone at the end of the day, young gifted kids dealing with their mom’s mental sickness and so many other human beings present to themselves.

The level of conversation is very high and they have some of the greatest actors around. Like Paget. Damn I love Paget.

I tried to watch other shows. All different kind of them. Apart from some historical interest in some recent ones (that’s their only appeal) that may induce me to watch an episode or two, I just stick with Criminal Mind.

After ten years?

Yeah. After that.

From the Pilot: Extreme Aggressor 

On being afraid 

Yesterday I was afraid. Very afraid. Children-safety-related afraid.

That’s a fear that goes away only when you’re told “I assure you, you can go home safely, it was something different from last time, here’s the therapy, see you in a few days if nothing different happens”.

So today is Epiphany so no school for El either. I’m trying to relax myself, recollect my thoughts and all the stress Tati and I went trough yesterday.

So I focused on my desk, get it generally in order. Order helps fear to go away.

I guess we are never prepared to our kids to be sick and the uncertainty that sometimes surrounds a health condition is probably one of the most stressful thing of all in a parent’s life.

Despite the sun outside we’ll stay home today, I strongly need no stress at all. Wished we could order some pizza from here, nor moving or cooking at all.

Home time is sometime the best time at all. 

I primi dell’anno

Dopo aver finito i bilanci (ma davvero, bilanci su 365 giorni? La vita in fondo bisognerebbe misurarsela almeno sul quinquennio), di solito si iniziano i propositi.

Tutti vogliono un anno straordinario che porti loro rivoluzione, stupore, meraviglia, grandiosi eventi, l’amore (con la A maiuscola e la tripla m).

Ecco, io che di rivoluzioni ne ho fatte tante nel 2017 vorrei che non succedesse niente. 

Ma nulla proprio. Trovarmi al 31 dicembre con come unici eventi maggiori dell’anno il passaggio di Mathilde alla scuola materna e l’inizio delle elementari di Elizabeth. 

Un anno pieno di lavoro, uscite da scuola, giorni di riposo in compagnia, sali minerali da palestra, sushi improvvisati madre-figlia, borse per la piscina, borse per danza, borse per le gite al museo, pile di giornali, pile di libri,passeggiate al verde, passeggiate nelle gallerie di Torino, di Milano, di Napoli, budini fatti in casa, latte e cioccolata, macarons,pittura a dita, acquarelli, tempere, film persi al cinema da guardare a tarda notte sul computer, film rivisti per la 300esima volta, crema per le mani alla mandorla, olio per capelli alla mandorla, angoli di caffetterie, terrazze di caffetterie…